“Girlfriend mo na ba ‘ko?”

“Ayoko nga!  Demanding ang mga girlfriend.  Gusto gan’to, gusto ganyan!  Ewan.”

“Gusto ko lang naman ng McDo fries, eh.”

These lines from a commercial for the fast food chain McDonald’s best illustrate the major point of George Homans’ Social Exchange Theory: people in relationships seek to gain maximum rewards at minimum costs.  Rewards and costs can constitute anything from financial support, to a feeling of acceptance, to an order of fries.  The McDonald’s commercial featuring two preschool kids debating the status of their relationship concludes thusly: all the girl wants is fries, and the little boy, after making the life-changing realization that love can be bought, has his first girlfriend.

The obvious lesson here is that food is the core of all meaningful relationships, which is the general idea behind most food-related commercials.  Because of this, or because they’re just so cute, the theoretical basis of the interaction goes widely unappreciated.  The little boy’s objection to a “girlfriend-boyfriend” relationship stems from his belief that girlfriends are too demanding.  He foresees that in such a relationship, he would have to give up more than the relationship is worth – perhaps in the form of time, money, and other things of personal interest.  But when the girl assures him that she only wants fries from McDonald’s, the perceived cost lowers considerably.  This is what leads to their happy walk-off-into-the-sunset ending rather than the boy standing by his initial refusal.

The application of the Social Exchange Theory is one of many things that we in the field of Communication notice and that others witness unknowingly.  (And naturally, it is also something we like to talk about amongst ourselves in front of other people.)  In fact, any commercial that implies attraction between two people because either or both have white teeth, drive a nice car, or wear deodorant can be explained through the Social Exchange Theory.

Those outside the field of Communication have the unfortunate tendency to think of it as mostly delivering speeches and hosting radio and television shows, if not going out to party every night and talking a lot without using big words.  Said a writer of Cracked.com, “There isn’t a more eye-rolling, smirk-inducing course than Communications.”  But any Communication major can tell you (with or without big words) that understanding and applying theories is a big part of studying Communication.  One of the ways we do this is by finding them in mass media.

In 2004, Tina Fey wrote and starred in a movie that exemplified everything that is wrong with modern day teenagers: Mean Girls.  The film revolves around Cady, a math geek who grew up in Africa and is thrown into the American public education system without a clue about the inner workings of “girl world.”

In Cady’s first few days, we see all sorts of cross-cultural communication – and the blunders that come with it.  African culture is high-context, meaning they put a lot of effort into not saying things directly.  Verbal and nonverbal cues have specific meanings that everyone silently agrees upon, which tends to be confusing for people of other cultures.  Blunt, stereotypical rude American low-context culture calls for saying what you mean with no room for interpretation.

That is not to say, however, that there are no exceptions.  One scene depicts Cady in the cafeteria with a boy asking her if she would like someone to “butter her muffin.”  Innocent Cady is confused, so mean girl Regina cuts in to translate: “Do you want to have sex with him?”  Cady says “No thank you,” a polite response despite the “Hell no” look on her face.  Aside from the codes her peers use to mask obscenities, she is not used to random guys offering to do it with her.  In Africa, it’s the kind of thing more common in wild animals than in adolescents.

Another form of cross-cultural communication is that among men and women, which Deborah Tannen breaks down in her discussion of Genderlect Styles.  Tannen says that when men talk, it’s mainly to establish status, brag about conquests, and win arguments.  This may have roots in the inherent need to be alpha male, though some (I stress, only some) men are just inherent jerks.  Women, on the other hand, use talking as a means of connecting with people, showing support, and avoiding conflict or discomfort.  They ask more questions than men do, including tag questions (e. g. “don’t you think?” or “is that right?”) which serve the purpose of downplaying disagreement rather than finding information.  These behaviors are called “report talk” in men and “rapport talk” in women.

The 2009 film He’s Just Not That Into You takes a humorous look at communication between men and women on the dating scene.  Female lead Ginnifer Goodwin plays Gigi, a young woman with a little too much enthusiasm for finding her Prince Charming.  She meets Alex, played by Justin Long, in a bar while stalking a guy who didn’t call her back.  Alex tells her that most men are straightforward: “If a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to call you.”  He points out that Gigi’s problem is that she, like many women, reads into everything a guy says and attaches meaning to things that don’t really mean anything.  Alex invites Gigi to a party and, when it ends, says, “I really gotta go to bed.”  Gigi asks, “Is that an invitation?”  This misreading leads to an argument between them, not unlike many arguments between friends and lovers of the opposite sex who converse according to their own gender and perception.

Today, Genderlect Theory can be observed almost every time we turn on the TV.  Fictional men who practice “report talk” include Barney of How I Met Your Mother, Chuck of Gossip Girl, and basically every superhero ever.  Some “rapport talking” women are Jess of New Girl, Penny of The Big Bang Theory, and Emma of Glee, who, if inclined to punch you, would first ask if that’s alright with you.

Technical talk aside, communication really is everywhere, from the broadcasting of sports events to the brain sending signals to the vital organs.  Beyond the complex theories that attempt to explain everyday happenings, there is the simple truth that sending and receiving messages is a part of life that humankind can’t do without.  Whether we are making business transactions or living on the streets, the things we say (and, inevitably, the things we don’t say) make a difference in what we do, and pave the way to where we go.

Kimiyo Meadows

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